It’s Been a Long Time Coming

In the words of Taylor Swift herself…

After years of not posting regularly, I’M BACK! I think I came to the realization that this site is more than just a blog. It’s been a sounding board for me to share and vent and process since its inception. And frankly, I need a place to do all those things. We all do!

A lot of life has happened since the last time I posted on here. I posted over a year ago in January 2023 about my favorite books of 2022, not knowing my husband was going to lose his job immediately following our return from a last minute trip to Europe. Also we brought back more than souvenirs from France, we both contracted COVID just days before I was supposed to start my new job in Primary Care. Talk about an adventure!

2023 was truthfully a gritty year. We did in fact survive that season, but it didn’t feel like much was accomplished besides living and enduring. Thankfully, we are on the other side of it now which has allowed me to gain perspective. Here are a few of the things I’m learning…

1. Counseling restores

I’ve talked about personal counseling before on the blog, and I can’t recommend it enough. It is a lifeboat for when you’re drowning in the treachery of life. This life we live is grueling and ridden with adversity, because the world we live in is broken by sin. We can’t always carry the mental, physical, and spiritual load on our own, and it’s not weakness to ask for help. I needed to talk with someone who wasn’t my family or a friend. I’m so glad I found the counselor I have now. She listens, empathizes and propels both me and Cary. We ALL can benefit from counseling.

2. Dogs are woman’s best friend

This past July, we brought a Goldendoodle puppy into the Brown family. Her name is Rhodie, and she has been a bright spot during an otherwise trying season. It’s been really bonding for Cary and I to have a dog and watch her grow and split the responsibilities of her care. She is loving, intelligent, and playful. She soaks up a lot of our attention because she is a puppy and likes to get into EVERYTHING. But she also is one of the best decisions we’ve ever made! She brings us daily joy. She’s a momma’s girl too which is a major plus!

3. Prioritize rest

I consider myself fairly driven. I’m a female in a Y chromosome-driven career field. I like challenges. I can always find something to work on or do. I’m notoriously good at keeping myself busy. But busy isn’t always better. I have ALWAYS struggled with the concept of rest. I am trying to be more intentional to prioritize rest, because it truly is something you have to intentionally plan. Since getting our dog last July, I have not had as much time to myself to get things done. I’m not complaining, I love Rhodie, but she is an attention glutton because she is a puppy. So making time to go get a pedicure, read a book, watch a TV show, or do some yoga, is a choice I have to make. But I am a better wife, PA, and friend when I rest. You cannot pour from an empty cup. AMEN.

4. Social media hiatus >>>>

In November of last year, my Facebook account was locked. Someone hacked into my account, posted malicious content, and now I no longer have access to it after multiple attempts with Facebook to recover it. The whole thing is honestly really disheartening and when I think about it too much it makes me depressed. I know it’s just social media, but it had been a way of documenting the past 10+ years of my life. High school, college, graduate school, and married life were all documented in that one place. Imagine someone stealing your personal journals and photo albums and burning them – forever gone and never to be retrieved. That’s basically how I felt when it first happened. I took 5 months away from Facebook before creating a new account. It feels weird to start over, but also I’m loving the opportunity to start fresh. It feels like a tabula rasa, so I’m choosing to practice intentionality. Make fewer friends, be choosy about the posts and information I consume.

5. Shame feeds the enemy

Last year, I struggled with the repercussions of deep shame. I’m not going to go into all the details, but because of shame I went radio silent. I didn’t post on social media. I didn’t blog. I didn’t reach out to close friends or family. I went into social hibernation. I thought it was better to not communicate. In a way, it was a form of protection. I felt like I was keeping myself and my family safe, but in the process I was actually isolating myself. And the enemy loves to make you feel alone, deserted, and obscure. Because in those dark places, the enemy reigns. This is another shameless plug for counseling. Because in my season of shame, when I was able to speak openly with a counselor, I found true empathy and God’s loving presence.

6. Your career doesn’t define your worth

I have been working on this one since I lived in Myrtle Beach. And if you too struggle with this, I highly recommend the book “The Search for Significance” by Robert McGee. Great study for retraining your mind and heart that your worth is rooted in Christ, not your abilities, not your strengths, and not your weaknesses. I think I have gotten better at compartmentalizing my work-life from my home-life. I know they say it’s unhealthy to compartmentalize, but honestly I think it’s almost necessary. Your family deserves to get the best version of you. Vent about your day, your co-workers, and the inhumanity of the American insurance system when you get home, and then MOVE ON. The more time you spend fretting, replaying the day, and upset is less time spent enjoying your dinner, your dog, your children, and your favorite TV show. Your job is a pathway to glorifying God, but it doesn’t define your true worth which is found in the person of Christ.

Now that’s a lot to unpack. And I hope you find some nuggets of encouragement through some of the vulnerability I’ve shared in this post! But amidst the hard lessons I’ve been learning, we also travelled and had fun. Here are a few of the sweet things that happened since the last time we spoke.

We travelled to Greenville, Charleston, Birmingham, and Michigan to celebrate four weddings!