I Don’t Know About You, But I’m Feeling 20-22

As a new year begins and another year comes to a close,

I love to get introspective and think deep thoughts. So here it goes: a recap of the past year with some goals and prayers for the year ahead. P.S. You can scoff and poke fun all you want, but Taylor Swift’s “22” is gonna be my anthem for 2022. And I’m here for it!

Looking back over the past year, I don’t remember a lot of specific events or monumental moments. Unlike years past where I feel like significant milestones occurred (engagement, wedding, moving to SC, pandemic, vaccines, etc.), 2021 brought growth and constancy for me. And something I can recall is how far I’ve come as a person. I continued counseling in 2021 after starting counseling in 2020. The personal and professional toll of being a healthcare provider during a pandemic will forever be a part of my story and my struggle. But counseling allowed me to see what areas I need to invest in and change. Perfection is not the end-goal, and as a self-proclaimed perfectionist, learning to seek progress over excellence will forever be my struggle. But I’m learning daily how to deal with disappointment, failure, and missed expectations.

2021 also brought with it loss. On March 28th, my Grandaddy Walker passed away after a long battle with Parkinson’s disease. Although his passing was imminent, I still grieved the loss of my first grandparent passing away. I will forever give thanks for the gift of 27 years with him and the joy that his life and legacy brought to so many. He was a friend to all and the epitome of Southern gentility. He introduced me to jazz music, good food, and refined taste. I will forever treasure my memories of him.

I think after 2020, we’ve all changed tremendously. A pandemic kind of has that effect on people. But I think my priorities and desires changed drastically. I don’t post as much on social media. I don’t take as many photos. I don’t listen to/read the news as much (which I’m not proud of). I think we’ve all had to find a healthy balance between what we want and what we need. My spirit and soul need more time away from social media. I need to post less for my own sanity. I enjoy my life more when I post less. We have to learn to create boundaries for ourselves, and I think a product of these past two years has been just that.

When I think about the year 2022, I’m honestly a little anxious. I can sense that things are beginning to get back to “normal,” but I’m also kind of scared to enter back into the world. I’ve been investing a lot of my time and attention into taking care of myself, and not a lot of time into nurturing friendships or relationships. But I feel the tides changing and it’s both exciting, scary, and hopeful. My prayer for the year ahead is that God would show up BIG. That he would fill the voids that I’ve so casually and carelessly filled with the world. That he would open my eyes to his presence and allow me to see he is in control of ALL things, both big and small.

What am I looking forward to most in 2022?

The promise of more time with family. The hope of seeing more of our dreams come to fruition. Opportunities for God to show up in ways I can’t fathom to remind me that it’s not by my will but by His. The possibility that there is goodness and joy to be had. Chances to heal from all the trauma of being a healthcare provider in 2020.

What are my resolutions for the year ahead?

I’ve been prioritizing goals or intentions over resolutions for the past few years. Resolutions are too difficult to follow through on, but intentions/goals seem more attainable. Also goals tend to have more specific parameters, making it easier to complete. A few of which are: prioritize reading, drink more water, dedicate time for quiet time, and enjoy exercise. Jess Connolly recently posted her pursuit to “like life” more, and that really resonated with me. Because I am notorious for being a bit of a type-A personality, I struggle with fun and spur of the moment activities. This year, I want to seek out adventure and spontaneity. But also to count more of the blessings that I like about life.

What’s something you learned in 2021 that you want to take with you into 2022?

My worth is not dependent on my performance. Perfection is not the objective. I love the quote, “Every expert was once a beginner.” We can’t expect ourselves to be proficient in something until we’ve actually attempted, failed, and struggled through it. I’ve had to be gentle with myself this year and really embrace the role of being a novice. After starting a new job in a specialty I had no prior experience in, my inner critic took the driver’s seat and raged at me for every little mistake I made. I was wrecked by every failing, whether big or minute. But after reading Annie F. Down’s book That Sounds Fun, I began to embrace being an amateur more. I think it’s important for us to not take ourselves so seriously all the time. And to be okay with making mistakes and learning from them.

What are you most excited about in 2022?